Since i did really stupid things recently, ppl close to me got very confused by that. They said i was an idoit,well probably i was. Through this piece of crap sth deep inside me has been explored and now ppl know how weak and emotional i am. Well yes, thats all i could say here. i would admit them all if you wanna criticize me on that cuz that the fact is. I am what i even dunt know.sometimes i thought i could handle it, but it turned out to be dumb; sometimes when i higly doubt my abilities, it turned out to be nothing. I m a person like...for something even if i know it's so right i would still feel sorry for it.

 

I was told by someone that was because i dunt truely have the decision to do things, therefore im so easy to be influenced. well, who knows, maybe yes. but whos that perfect.everybody has the decision to do things but they also hold emotions. i couldnt feel nothin when sth just comes out. But i guess the point is....as least you learn how to control. Something is always to be the hardest for ppl to tow the rational line. You will lose it when you break it but meanwhile you will learn from the pain. Nothin is there to guarantee you would never do it agian but at least you will hesitate when you try to replay the foolist story ever in the world.

 

Ppl do that since ppl are born to be nice, they are holding belifs and hopes in their heart, and thats wut God told me, when a person never trust anyone else, or expect sth nice from each other, hes dead.cuz he lives on the purpose of purpose, and thats not wut life is about. However in that way ppl are also easy to get hurt, taking sth like "the prisoner effect" into consideration, theyd like to take advantages of your goodness. so...who said that the purpose of the society is to achieve the common good. Things are different when ppl see it from different aspects.In a lager sense, it sounds brilliant since ppl do want the good to be happen in a worldwide level, but they kick the ball away when every littile tiny concrete stuff get to their face. they keep making excuses for their bad and comfort themselves with the hope that someone else's gonna do it instead. That wut exactly ppl would do when they r in a normal status. When they get lost, they just lost everything, they lost the feeling of shame, they feel safe to be compensated with the excuses of getting lost.but they dare not to look back at the mirror to see how miserable they are. They just keep hurting ppl, the guity accumulates and they feel okay to be like this, cuz they dunt know the better way to deal with it. You see how fragile a person is. they r fragile to hurt themselves and others. so if you r lucky to fit in normal, try to be strong and in that case avoid yourself to fall down to the lost level. im not saying that ppl should not care, but try to control your sorrow, leave it a deadline, and time will heal. try not to be numb, not to sneer at others condition.try to disclose your tiny heart under the sun, try to think healthier, try to reminder urelf that you r a human, a creature to be emotional, understandble, and controllable. all that lead to the meaning of experiencing sad and happy from the moment you were born.